Debut Novel Out Now!
My Darlin' John is a twisted family story spanning three generations, told through the eyes of the two main characters, an uncle, and his long-lost nephew. A series of tragic events leads Uncle John into isolation before his nephew Pete shows up at his hospital bedside 17 years later. The two attempt to rekindle their relationship after the estrangement, while seeking to understand the past. Pete soon finds he has more questions than answers. As the story unfolds, we see unique perspectives on the human condition, while navigating the ups and downs associated with love, addiction, loss, suicide, religious trauma, depression, mercy, and forgiveness. My Darlin' John is inspired by a true story, about a textbook ‘American Dream' family, shattered by grief and the various ways we cope. This novel is written by cycle breakers, for cycle breakers.
Why we wrote this book
Suicide.
Few words carry more weight—emotionally, socially, or personally. Even fewer can end a conversation the moment they’re spoken. Mention suicide at the dinner table or over coffee, and you’ll likely see the mood shift. People who were just talking a mile a minute suddenly search for the nearest exit.
I’ve been in that moment more times than I can count. Someone casually asks, “How’d your dad die?”—a simple question, yet one that sends me spinning. I immediately start calculating: What version of the truth can I offer that won’t detonate the conversation? That won’t make them uncomfortable?
Option one: deflect. Most people will understand if you don’t want to talk about a deceased loved one.
Option two: offer a soft half-truth. “He was sick for a while…” But sick how? And why does that feel dishonest?
Option three: tell the truth. My dad died by suicide.
Even now, after nearly twenty years, I still don’t know the best way to say it out loud. My dad shot himself. It’s brutal. It’s real. It’s mine. And still, I often find myself hiding in plain sight-sidestepping the judgment that too often shadows those who’ve lost someone this way.
Suicide is complicated. It sits at the intersection of mental health, morality, faith, shame, and grief. The stigma runs deep, fueled by culture, religion, and fear. For those of us who live in its aftermath, the silence can be suffocating.
And yet, the facts are unavoidable. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death worldwide. Each one is estimated to affect 135 people. Globally, 720,000 to 800,000 people die by suicide every year. One in five people will have suicidal thoughts in their lifetime. This isn’t a fringe issue. It’s a human one.
So why did I write this book?
Because we need to talk about it.
Because I needed to talk about it.
Because maybe, if I can tell this story-my story- others might feel brave enough to tell theirs.
For years, I struggled to say out loud what I most wanted others to feel safe saying. This book is a step toward breaking that silence. If it helps even one person speak more openly about their grief, their pain, or their healing—then it’s done its job.
About Matt and Jacey
Matt and Jacey live in Upstate New York with their two children and one fluffy white dog. When they aren’t busy working they enjoy getting outside, hiking, biking, or getting lost in the woods.
